Comparison is the Thief of Joy

     I often remind myself how important comparison is in our individual lives and how we can control the way we feel. Most of the time, I’m overwhelmed with how beautiful life can be. But then I find myself lurking on social media, Pinterest and Tumblr, viewing beautiful exotic scenes and people whom I don’t even know claiming that they hold the key to happiness. It seems that there is quite a trend right now to break free from the corporate world and run wild through life like a leaf in the wind. But with so much happiness and pleasure, where comes the balance that makes us appreciate those times? Where is the sense of worth for your life in just running around enjoying everything without a care or responsibility to your fellow humans? Perhaps I am in a different mindset with how I was raised but what truly makes my heart beam bright is the feeling of satisfaction I receive after helping people, whether it be at my job as nurse where I often see immediate, physical results of my actions, or smiling at a stranger and helping anonymously. My work is physically and mentally exhausting some nights, but I also can’t imagine doing anything else with my career and my life. To get paid for it all is the sugar on top.

     The knowledge that I have acquired in the last few months floors me sometimes, and it’s delicious to my mind knowing that my entire career in nursing will be full of learning opportunities and the fact that there is so much left to learn. I find joy in every day. Having a warm bed with my husband and kitties waiting for me at night as I come home from the hospital. Drinking coffee in the morning and enhancing my brain with reading and writing. Being around so many knowledgeable people in a positive environment that is full to the brim with new experiences. “Every-day normal people” are IMPORTANT. It’s my true belief that we all have something to give to this world and to the community and we work best as a community that synergizes. No one person is good at everything, but each person is good at something. And when we develop and utilize ourselves we can make beautiful things happen.

     This is for those of you who feel as I do sometimes. Those of you who see other’s lives (that we can inexplicably edit to our desire on social media) and feel inadequate, you’re not. Comparison is the thief of joy. If you truly are unhappy, than there is nothing wrong with trying something new and finding a different path in life. But I feel like the internet puts so much pressure on everyone to be the most unique, the most individual and the most eccentric person you know. True life: you don’t have to do that. Live your life with purpose and with pleasure. Do something with your time here on earth and enjoy doing it. Be “normal”. Be happy. Be productive. Be satisfied.

Waking up

     It's been a while. Life has been bright and energetic and busy and beautiful. I find myself going to social media less and being more present and happy in real life. Moving to a beautiful new place and creating my own homey environment with my love and our new cat has had a huge impact on me and really gave me a breath of fresh air. Not to mention Minnesota has decided to actually give us a little taste of spring and sunshine the last few days.

     Walks through our little Como neighborhood here in St. Paul with the sunshine on our backs. Walking down to the little corner market and buying pretzel buns. Homemade meals and Game of Thrones. Kitty cuddles. Laughter and hanging Christmas lights inside our 3 season porch. Neighbor dog barking at 6:30am and morning light coming through the window. The slow purr of our coffee maker and the smell of cozy morning goodness. Afternoon sunshine coming through our old windows and onto the uneven hardwood floors. Kitty sitting in the window watching the world go by. Tanner playing his guitar/banjo as I get ready for bed. Unexpected kisses and embraces. Hot baths in a leaky bathtub. Succulents in the window. Moments I have collected and want to cherish.

To be a Gypsy

     Laying in my bed this morning reading about other people's adventures gave me a strange pang in my stomach. I spend much of my time reading about other's adventures (whether they be fictional or not) and most of the time I really enjoy spending my time doing so. But every once in a while I get that feeling. Why not me? Why was I set out for a "normal person" life? Why am I not across the seas shooting amazing photography and staying with random people and experiencing all these things that most people don't get to experience? Why am I not a super talented musician with the networking and financial means needed to be world renown? But to have a life like that takes a lot of sacrifice. Because if I had a life like that, I wouldn't have the love in my heart that I do now. Sometimes being a "normal person" isn't the worst thing in the world. Someone's got to do it. In this normal person life I have laughed a thousand times till I cried with my sisters and my family and a few close friends. I know what it is to be in a deep, selfless love that overrules anything and that I would truly give up everything for. Growing up with and learning so many lessons along side this once teenage boy who is now my husband. I know true pain and loss and hurt. I have experienced the little things, attending wedding showers and baby showers and feeling the excitement for others for their journeys through this life. Feeling everything that comes with the young stages of public elementary school, the embarrassment of middle school and the pressure of high school. What it means to really work for something. I feel like so much of my generation thinks that the worst thing in the world is to go to school, get married, buy a house, have a kid and then grow old and die. Just because its normal does not mean that its plain and untouched by excitement, love and adventure. I so often see idealizations of success that are almost imaginative. After having the love that I do now, I would not trade anything in life for this person that I have given my heart to and have accepted his heart in return. It may not be the most glamorous life. It involves a lot of just being together and not necessarily doing anything else productive. A lot of people also assume that their jobs are simply pointless and unnecessary. For the most part, unless you're still working at like a block buster movie store which would be crazy because I haven't seen one around for years, your job is probably important. Even if you work at a coffee shop. Think about how many people's days you've brightened. How many different people you get to see and meet every day. Most jobs in the world are necessary (note, not ALL, but most), and someone's got to do them. And often times that's the "normal" people of this world. You and me. But the thing that many don't understand is that you can live a normal life, and still have experiences. Still be unique. Still be happy. A crazy, adventurous, gypsy-like life is not always attainable or necessary for your time here on earth to be a pleasurable one. It may seem like you have such an insignificant life in the spectrum of this world, but in the spectrum of the universe, we are all tiny specks.

Thoughts on Being a Nurse, Time, Life and Death

     I just finished my last shift at the assisted living I was working at. It's bittersweet. I've worked for 4 years now towards being a nurse, and now that I finally am one (soon to be licensed that is) I feel excited and terrified that I am actually going to be a real nurse. The assisted living I worked at was so great as far as my schedule, or lack there of one, went while I was in school. I worked with a lot of cool people, but really I think it is the residents that I'll miss the most. Working with elderly people truly gives you such a new appreciation for life. Every time I work, I'm reminded that I'm young, my body works so efficiently although I so often complain of minor things, that I have so much left to experience in life and that it goes by so, so quickly. I love to see old photos in their apartments and when I ask them about the pictures, their faces just light up.

      I have seen beauty in so many ways working with these people. I truly believe that it has made me even gentler and a more patient person (which a nurse always should be). I have seen love shown in so many ways as well. Almost all of the residents there are warm hearted and truly happy people. They realize that there is no point in being bitter. And the ones that are bitter have such sad, pinched faces. You can feel the lack of warmth in the room. And it's not as though there was never love in their hearts. Many of them are just terribly broken and ready to be done with this physical life. The residents watch out for each other. And they care about each other. 

     I can't help but think of when I am old and frail, it comforts me to think that every one else will be too. I will have lived a full and loving life because I know even now at 22, that every day is a blessing and every breath is a gift. I am so often humbled when I am at work. I never thought that I would want to do hospice care as a nurse, but I actually now think that I would really enjoy it. It's something very special to be some one's caretaker and know that every single thing you do for them is significant. Everything you do makes a difference in their life. And to take care of some one at the end of their life is a privilege. 

     That is one of the things that most pleases me about the healthcare profession, that every single work day, you are directly making a difference in someone's life. To leave this world a better place than it was when I got here is really what I want in life. I want to make other's lives better. Happier. Fuller. I honestly feel privileged to be able to call my self a nurse. And to think that I didn't even consider being a nurse for the longest time! It actually kind of randomly hit me (while I was in Sweden I believe), so I just went with it and found out that I really like nursing and am good at it too! Funny how these things work huh.... :) Anyways, I'm feeling very thankful and humbled at this moment. One of my favorite things that one of my residents said to me was "Nurses are the angels of the world." I have already had amazing experiences and I can only imagine what the future holds for me.