To be a Gypsy

     Laying in my bed this morning reading about other people's adventures gave me a strange pang in my stomach. I spend much of my time reading about other's adventures (whether they be fictional or not) and most of the time I really enjoy spending my time doing so. But every once in a while I get that feeling. Why not me? Why was I set out for a "normal person" life? Why am I not across the seas shooting amazing photography and staying with random people and experiencing all these things that most people don't get to experience? Why am I not a super talented musician with the networking and financial means needed to be world renown? But to have a life like that takes a lot of sacrifice. Because if I had a life like that, I wouldn't have the love in my heart that I do now. Sometimes being a "normal person" isn't the worst thing in the world. Someone's got to do it. In this normal person life I have laughed a thousand times till I cried with my sisters and my family and a few close friends. I know what it is to be in a deep, selfless love that overrules anything and that I would truly give up everything for. Growing up with and learning so many lessons along side this once teenage boy who is now my husband. I know true pain and loss and hurt. I have experienced the little things, attending wedding showers and baby showers and feeling the excitement for others for their journeys through this life. Feeling everything that comes with the young stages of public elementary school, the embarrassment of middle school and the pressure of high school. What it means to really work for something. I feel like so much of my generation thinks that the worst thing in the world is to go to school, get married, buy a house, have a kid and then grow old and die. Just because its normal does not mean that its plain and untouched by excitement, love and adventure. I so often see idealizations of success that are almost imaginative. After having the love that I do now, I would not trade anything in life for this person that I have given my heart to and have accepted his heart in return. It may not be the most glamorous life. It involves a lot of just being together and not necessarily doing anything else productive. A lot of people also assume that their jobs are simply pointless and unnecessary. For the most part, unless you're still working at like a block buster movie store which would be crazy because I haven't seen one around for years, your job is probably important. Even if you work at a coffee shop. Think about how many people's days you've brightened. How many different people you get to see and meet every day. Most jobs in the world are necessary (note, not ALL, but most), and someone's got to do them. And often times that's the "normal" people of this world. You and me. But the thing that many don't understand is that you can live a normal life, and still have experiences. Still be unique. Still be happy. A crazy, adventurous, gypsy-like life is not always attainable or necessary for your time here on earth to be a pleasurable one. It may seem like you have such an insignificant life in the spectrum of this world, but in the spectrum of the universe, we are all tiny specks.

98 years

     This beautiful woman is my Great-Grandmother. On Friday she turned 98 years old. She is so lovely and lively that it makes my heart swell when I think of her. I have fantastic genes coming from this woman. Like I said, she is at 98 years old now and she still lives in her lovely house by herself. She still loves to garden and sit outside and visit the "old people" at the nursing home (many of whom are about 20 years younger than herself). So often I worry about time. I worry that I'm not living my life to the fullest or that time is passing by too quickly. It feels as though it slips through my hands like tiny grains of sand. My Grandma never talks about being fearful of the passage of time. To me she is inspiring in that way, that she is satisfied with how her life has turned out and you can clearly see that family and love are some of the most important things to her. She carries herself with such an elegant grace and she truly brings happiness to all those who meet her. In the small town where she lives, she knows just about everyone, and I know so many people that aren't actually related to her but they love her just the same. I have been blessed to have such a wonderful woman in my life.

Thoughts on Being a Nurse, Time, Life and Death

     I just finished my last shift at the assisted living I was working at. It's bittersweet. I've worked for 4 years now towards being a nurse, and now that I finally am one (soon to be licensed that is) I feel excited and terrified that I am actually going to be a real nurse. The assisted living I worked at was so great as far as my schedule, or lack there of one, went while I was in school. I worked with a lot of cool people, but really I think it is the residents that I'll miss the most. Working with elderly people truly gives you such a new appreciation for life. Every time I work, I'm reminded that I'm young, my body works so efficiently although I so often complain of minor things, that I have so much left to experience in life and that it goes by so, so quickly. I love to see old photos in their apartments and when I ask them about the pictures, their faces just light up.

      I have seen beauty in so many ways working with these people. I truly believe that it has made me even gentler and a more patient person (which a nurse always should be). I have seen love shown in so many ways as well. Almost all of the residents there are warm hearted and truly happy people. They realize that there is no point in being bitter. And the ones that are bitter have such sad, pinched faces. You can feel the lack of warmth in the room. And it's not as though there was never love in their hearts. Many of them are just terribly broken and ready to be done with this physical life. The residents watch out for each other. And they care about each other. 

     I can't help but think of when I am old and frail, it comforts me to think that every one else will be too. I will have lived a full and loving life because I know even now at 22, that every day is a blessing and every breath is a gift. I am so often humbled when I am at work. I never thought that I would want to do hospice care as a nurse, but I actually now think that I would really enjoy it. It's something very special to be some one's caretaker and know that every single thing you do for them is significant. Everything you do makes a difference in their life. And to take care of some one at the end of their life is a privilege. 

     That is one of the things that most pleases me about the healthcare profession, that every single work day, you are directly making a difference in someone's life. To leave this world a better place than it was when I got here is really what I want in life. I want to make other's lives better. Happier. Fuller. I honestly feel privileged to be able to call my self a nurse. And to think that I didn't even consider being a nurse for the longest time! It actually kind of randomly hit me (while I was in Sweden I believe), so I just went with it and found out that I really like nursing and am good at it too! Funny how these things work huh.... :) Anyways, I'm feeling very thankful and humbled at this moment. One of my favorite things that one of my residents said to me was "Nurses are the angels of the world." I have already had amazing experiences and I can only imagine what the future holds for me.